There aren’t many downsides to having a beard.
From the prehistoric man to the modern one, beards have been worn by badasses. They’ve been a sign of masculinity throughout the years, making men who wear them looked distinguished, more attractive, and, well, kickass.
But those positives aside, there’s one downfall to sporting a full face carpet that can put a damper in anyone’s day: Eating with it.
Whether you’re sporting a 10-day stubble or a Tom Hank’s in Cast Away, there’s a good chance you’ve struggled with eating soup, burgers, nachos, or pretty much anything else.
But fear not, Spartan Beard Co. knows that growing and maintaining a beard is serious business. That’s why we’ve created this list of effective tips for eating with a beard. Take heart, follow these steps, and walk away from your next meal debris-free.
Eat with utensils
As much as many of us may hate the thought, our favourite finger foods – burgers, pizza, messy sandwiches – may be best eaten with a fork if you have a beard. They spill, they fall apart, and they always get stuck in your whiskers.
Pizza can be eaten with a fork. Spring rolls, sandwiches, and even hot dogs are manageable. If you’re ordering something that can’t be eaten with a fork, don’t order it. Or make it bite-sized (see below). If you’re really craving a messy burger, best to eat it at home.
If it’s not bite-sized, make it bite-sized
A blanket solution to foods that can’t be eaten with a fork is making them bite-sized. On average, it takes 6.1 bites to eat a hot dog – leaving plenty of opportunity for that dog to drip, spill and get caught in your beard. Instead, try cutting it up into smaller pieces.
Coffee cups with lids are your new best friend
Those little plastic lids are usually given out to prevent spilling, but if you have a beard, you’ll know they’re good for a hell of a lot more than that. Lids can be a great tool to stop yourself from dipping your whiskers into your coffee.
Say no to noodles
They drip, they dangle, and they get caught in your beard. Even if you’re not slurping your spaghetti, it’s difficult to stop noodles from flopping onto your beard at least a little. The solution? Stop eating noodles in public. If you can’t do that, take a trip down childhood memory lane and start cutting them up.
Watch anything that drips
Unless you have the hands of a surgeon, chances are you’re going to spill anything liquid– soup in particular. To minimise your chances of dripping cereal, soup, or anything else onto your beard, try leaning forward and opening your mouth wider than usual. Simple, but it works.
What about drinks?
Keeping drinks out of your beard is a much easier task than trying to dodge falling food. The simple fix is a straw, but what about booze? Get a bottle rather than a pint – unless you don’t mind a bit of lager in your beard. Drinking on the go? Try a travel mug, they funnel the beverage to a smaller opening and cut down any possibility of you spilling it all over yourself.
And if all else fails:
Eat however the hell you want. Just be sure to bring a stack of napkins. Remember: No one wants to see a messy beard. Keep it clean.